Dementia Eroded Dad's Abilities, But Not His Personhood Or Worth

Dad was a simple, common-sense man born and raised in the country. He was always resourceful at learning and adapting. That's why there was a sadness and longing in him and us as we watched his life skills erode. I believe that he still possessed a lot of knowledge, but he was trapped by the illness and no longer able to act upon that knowledge and awareness. Consider some of his abilities that slowly ebbed away in his last 5 years:

- He spent over 30 years learning about high voltage transmission line construction; the last few years of his working career, he supervised projects all over the state. But he could no longer speak about it, even though he enjoyed his work and had a personal fondness for his former co-workers.
- He was an excellent farmer and gardener. His veggies were the best, but the ability to garden left him.
- He loved to hunt and fish, but lost all interest in outdoor hobbies.
- He could compete with many southern women in the kitchen. His fried fish and hushpuppies, bbq and brunswick stew, roast and taters, fried pork chops or smothered streak and rice & gravy, potato salad (yum yummm!), fried okra, stewed squash, pancakes and sausage, and of course, his signature lacy cornbread, were all the best. His dishes were the feature of many family reunions for about 20 years or so. But that all left too. Dad could no longer do something as basic as take 2 pieces of bread from a bag and tie it back up.
- He studied the art of syrup-making, learned the craft from another older man, perfected the technique to produce a syrup that hundreds of people would eventually taste and enjoy. He grew and harvested his own sugar cane, and made his own syrup on the farm for many years, but he lost the ability to act on that knowledge, and lost interest in the taste of the product he had loved all his life.
- He was an exceptional house manager and money manager, yet his ability to handle finances, pay bills, maintain order and cleanliness around his home was gone too.
- His ability to read and write diminished over time, but he still enjoyed perusing the pages and pictures of newspapers and magazines. That activity filled a lot of hours, and had a calming, contentment-inducing effect on him.

It's difficult to watch a man "unlearn" his life, but these were just skills. Life skills or talents don't make the man. The Lord makes the man. Our value comes from Him. So, while Dad's skills ebbed, he was never robbed of his personhood or worth, and he was always our dad. He never became a lesser person. He could never be a burden or expendable. He was a man with the touch of the divine, and worthy of our best, loving service.

January 31, 2018