Dad Stayed Home

Miraculously, dad stayed home until he left our world. I began to have doubts that we could make it all the way to the finish line, but his wish was fulfilled. He slept his last week, quietly and peacefully in his own bedroom. No tests, no needles, and no hassles. Just quiet, comfort and rest.

Of course, hospice care helped Dad to finish well and with dignity, but that was the Lord's doing and it is marvelous in my eyes. God is merciful. God be praised.

An Easy Homegoing

In his final days, Dad did not reach the full end of dementia. He still had an appetite and mobility. While he had that annoying, and occasionally painful, hernia, he wasn't sick, and he didn't get sick with any observable condition. On New Years Day 2018, he began to go to sleep. It was OK for him to go. He knew it. We knew it. The Lord was calling him home. He slept right into the next world just 7 days later (1/8/2018).

Dad's journey from this world to the next world is the easiest I have ever witnessed. No struggle. No pain. No distress. No confusion. Just peace and calm and rest. Laying hands on him and praying with my sister and brother as Dad took his final breaths was beautiful and divine. When the Lord visited our house, He took Dad to His home where he will always be welcome and wanted.

I agree with King David (Psalm 23), and I also greatly anticipate dwelling "in the house of the Lord forever."

Medications And Treatments

Do your own homework! Having good relationships with reliable and competent medical professionals is important to all of us, but the responsibility to ask questions about our prescriptions and treatments and to do some basic homework on medical recommendations belongs to each of us, and those who oversee the care of loved ones who can no longer make decisions for themselves.

As an example, one of Dad's doctors prescribed an anti-psychotic medication for him. Dad had the obvious memory recall issues, memory loss, and skills decline symptoms that accompany dementia, but he had no swings of mood that resembled any condition like bi-polar disorder or depression. Our request was simply for a sleep aid to help Dad on those occasional nights when he was more restless and needed a little assistance to get his full 11 hours rest. The need to take a bedtime sleeping aid was usually less than once a week. Sometimes, he could go weeks without needing a sleeping pill. Thankfully, he slept well and long most nights.

When I researched that medication, I was shocked at the doctor's decision. It is prescribed for those with bi-polar disorders, depression, and Parkinson's disease. The side effects could be detrimental and difficult to manage at home, especially with regard to an elderly dementia patient. Fortunately, the doctor closed the office and moved to another state before Dad had his next 6-month check-up. I certainly lost confidence in that physician.

What did I learn? That my nature to research, research, research served us well. That it's always right to ask questions, question assumptions, second-guess, get a second opinion, and do my own homework. I don't believe in blind faith, especially blind trust in a doctor. Do your homework too!

Regulations Are Undermining Our Health

My comfort and hope is in the gospel and everlasting life in the next world, because if my hope was in this world alone, I know my future would be grim in many ways. Healthcare regulations, insurance mandates, along with declining access to quality medical providers and facilities would only add to my woe. I am thankful that Dad was in good overall health for a senior citizen, and that his healthcare needs were less than most 80-somethings. But still, I had to interact with the medical and insurance infrastructure, on Dad's behalf, enough to know that serious trouble is coming. The warning signs are already evident; we're just ignoring them. What warnings, you ask? Life expectancy has been declining and mortality rates have been rising the past 3 years or so in the United States. And the more burdensome and onerous government regulations persist and insurance mandates rule our lives, these trends will continue.

Take one look at a Medicare reimbursement spreadsheet with all the write downs and confusing randomness, and your head will spin. Then look at the co-insurance statement that covers the same procedures and/or office visits, and the head spinning turns into headaches. Prescription costs and insurance coverage made no sense at all. Fortunately, Dad already had an established long-term relationship with a primary care doctor, but when it was time to schedule a specialist, it was an awkward and slow process to get scheduled and complete all the paperwork and medical history info. The bureaucratic nonsense (AKA trying to cover every base to avoid a lawsuit vs. providing quality efficient care) at doctors and hospitals was frustrating too. Being told, you can't do that, OR we can't do that, OR insurance won't allow that is an insult to the dignity of the life that God has created.

None of this diminishes the quality work by the doctors, nurses, and technicians who rendered professional care to my Dad, but the "system" is breaking down on every level, forcing quality professionals to leave it or avoid it altogether, causing costs to rise, and making access to care more difficult. All of us will be making tough financial, medical, and quality of life decisions in the coming years.

I urge you to be persuaded of Christ's salvation and find your hope in Him, because this world's madness will lead you to despair.

He Was My Dad; He Became My Son

I wrote earlier about Parenting My Dad and have made references to Dad's child-like characteristics in several articles, but it still amazes me what happened to our relationship during the last four years we lived together. I never expected it. It was the farthest thing from my mind. I never considered it possible. I intended to play the role of a son who just wanted to help his Dad live and finish well. I didn't think of it as a duty or a responsibility or a repayment, because I knew Dad deserved more than we could ever give no matter how hard we tried, but try we would and try we did.

To my shock, Dad became my son, my boy, my "Boo". It still astonishes me. That's why I write over and over that dementia robbed us of nothing. God added to us far more than anything the disease could take from us.