I didn't understand either. I have known individuals who are/were caregivers; some serving longer than I did. I have pastored fellow church members who were caregivers. I admired them, prayed for the Lord to help those families, but I couldn't truly understand or empathize. Until, that is, the Lord arranged a season of it for me.
The lack of understanding was most notable to me through the multiple requests I received to pastor local community churches while I was fully immersed in my pastoral/caregiving ministry to Dad. Some of the lack of understanding is raw spiritual immaturity. Dad was not just a full-time job, although he was a round-the-clock responsibility. The Lord gave Dad to me for a season of ministry, a season that lasted 4 years. We were essentially a church of three, the Lord, Dad, and me. I was more than a caregiver, responsible for Dad's physical and medical needs. I embraced a pastoral responsibility for him, to shepherd him in the ways of the Lord as best I could given the disruptions caused by his illness.
My hands were full. My heart was heavy. My mind was often racing with all kinds of concerns, but I absolutely could not think too much about the future, nor could I accommodate many distractions from the "main thing" the Lord had appointed for me. That's why the pastoral requests became frustrating. Some of those asking me about my availability didn't or couldn't understand my situation no matter how I explained it. One even felt emboldened to question my ministry choice (to pastor a flock of 2). At a prime age for ministry and still possessing physical vitality, some church folks have different ideas about the best course my life should take at this point.
Those asking me to consider serving as their pastor didn't know me. They know "me" from 15-20 years ago, or something about my ministry reputation from back then. Except, I'm not that guy.....at all. I've grown in grace alot, and changed alot. And that's not just from my years with Dad, but also my years in church planting and church revitalization.
If you get to know the updated version of Greg, you may not like him very much in a pastoral role, but you probably better get to know him a little bit before you ask him to pastor your flock. You may be asking for trouble, and you will probably get it. :)
