Dad Appeared To "Un-learn" His Life

I have written about Dad's condition, struggle with dementia, and how it effected him. While he did not lose his mind, his memory, or his awareness, he lost the ability to speak or act upon that knowledge. The practical effect was it seemed that Dad went through a process of unlearning his life. That's just a phrase I use to describe what happened to him outwardly.

His dementia was never mere randomness or incoherency, nor did he become an entirely different person. Dad had many talents and abilities, but as the dementia eroded Dad's skill levels, he seemed to change from a mature, self-sufficient man to an adolescent to an elementary school child, and finally a toddler. I knew him as a fully-formed, able man for all of my life. When I moved in with him four years ago, he was about like a mid/late teenager, still highly functional, driving well and safely, but beginning to show the evidence of judgment lapses and gaps in common sense that frustrate us about the typical teenager. Over time, he required more oversight (basically, middle school-like) then onto to more nurturing and re-assuring (elementary-school like) and finally onto the stage of total dependency ( a lovable toddler). He was never a lesser man. He never lost the dignity of God's creation or Christ's redemption, and that's why I say that his dementia added to our relationship. The disease took nothing from us, yet gave us so much more.

One of the blessings I received from living with Dad is that I was given a window into what he was like as a youth, and then a child. It was fascinating! It reminded me that by nature, we are all the same and must overcome, through Christ, the same struggles. At times, Dad could be child-like, peevish, get frustrated, confused, or scared, sometimes open to help, sometimes resistant to help, he could listen to advice or not be interested, could deflect and deny he had done something (even though I always told him, "Dad, you've done nothing wrong; I just want to help if I can"). He showed pride in doing something right or well. He anguished when he knew he had missed the mark on some task. He often wanted to please me by his actions.

It was marvelous. It was a bit mysterious, yet it was miraculous to witness the grace of the Lord sustain us, to help us communicate when words would not work, to read each other, to comfort each other, and to love each other. I always loved my Dad as best a son could do, but the Lord taught me to love him even more, and I thank Him for allowing me to witness my Dad's entire life span and to appreciate his total person. Very few people get to experience a parent in this way. My family and I were so blessed to be given this opportunity.