When At-Home Care Becomes Difficult

I learned the role and responsibilities of a caregiver with experience, day-by-day, by reflecting on my mistakes, celebrating the victories (big or small), and trusting the Lord tell us what to do next or to act on our behalf when I didn't know what to do. That was especially true about knowing when we would need outside professional help for Dad. During our first two years together, Dad was more functional, so we were closer to roommates and buddies than a care giver/recipient. The last 18 months were different, as Dad needed much more help and supervision to live well. But still, we did our best despite the difficulties. I didn't have any idea when we would need more help, such as in-home nursing aides or even a long-term care facility, but I believed I would "know" it when we got to that point.

Last September, I began to "know" it. That's when we started doing our homework about in-home/visiting nursing agencies and local care facilities, to consider the options, prepare for the costs, and think about how to ease Dad's transition through these options whatever happened next. It's gut-wrenching when you realize, that despite your best efforts, you cannot continue to do what you have been doing, even for years, because it's no longer good enough. It hurts, but we all have to do this at some point. I got "over myself" because Dad's needs and care mattered more than my feelings.

I feel for every family that reaches this point. We reached it too. We were able to stay home until Dad reached the finish line. The difference was God's providence, but I know not all families will face the same circumstances or have the same options. Because of Dad's problem hernia, and not being a candidate for surgery, his doctor recommended at home hospice care. I will write more about our experience with hospice and its benefits for our family, but I can say that having a nurse making regular visits, performing Dad's health check-ups and baths, and providing end-of-life equipment and medicines was a big relief.

Admitting that we need more help, even professional care, is difficult to accept, but it is possible when we put the focus on our loved one and think through which options are best for him or her.