Thinking About Dad's Departure

When you are a caregiver, you are immersed in a season of life that is an amazing blessing, but it is all-consuming. It is difficult to think too much about the future or to plan ahead. Each day was enough of a challenge in itself to dream about days far in the future, but I did occasionally think about Dad's departure and what the next season of my life would bring.

I thought about the grief of his departure. My buddy and my "boy" would move on to the next world. I knew I would miss him, and I do.

I thought about the relief of his departure. Dad would no longer be trapped inside. He had a lifetime of knowledge and experiences, but could no longer apply the knowledge nor act on the lessons of experience. His departure would free him from that condition, and I am happy that he's free.

I thought about the change of seasons that his departure would bring for me. The four years with Dad were a season of my life appointed by God as a gift to me. I have no doubt about that. One of the great blessings of this world is to love and honor our parents, through every stage of life. I knew a new season would come, but I had no idea what it would look like, what I do next, or how the Lord would choose to use me. I still don't know, and that's OK. It's good and right to wait upon the Lord.

It's been good to re-connect with people again, to begin building relationships that went dormant for awhile. It's been good to have a reinvigorated prayer life. It's been good to transition back from a devotional Bible study life to a verse-by-verse study of Scripture. It's been good to start reading books again.

Dementia has a strange way of spreading and affecting the mind of the caregiver too. I felt it. I sensed the loss of mental sharpness, but I think and hope my effects will be temporary and fade over time. Yet, my next season of life is not clear right now. Again, that's OK. The Lord knows what He's doing. He will reveal it to me when He's finished whatever work He's doing in me right now. I learned to say "No." I have been reminded that saying "No" is the right thing to say, because I'm just like most people and too prone to let "good" things get in the way of God's best things.

Next season of life, here I come. I'll know it when I see it. But glimpses of it are coming into view.  :)