As Caregivers, We Must Pursue The Best Interests And Clear Wishes Of Our Loved Ones

As we approach the one year anniversary of Dad's homegoing, I was recently going through a folder of his paperwork and came upon two documents, his healthcare directive and the Physician's Order For Life-Sustaining Treatment (POLST), which was prepared and signed by Dad's hospice agency and me about 2 weeks before his passing. If you have ever been in a hospital, nursing home, or hospice facility visiting a loved one in a critical condition, you may have seen one of these posted on the wall of the room, almost like an official notice, which of course, it is.

All along the way, service as a caregiver requires us to suppress many of our needs, wants, and feelings to put the interests and wishes of our loved ones above our own. They asked us, trusted us, and may have specifically named us in legal documents. They know they have asked us to do difficult things because they have already been there themselves, watching parents, a spouse, brothers or sisters slip away from this life. They ask us to do things that they also had to do, so they understand the pain and determination it takes.

I sat down with Dad's hospice staff, and we reviewed his final and legal healthcare directive, signed almost 4 years prior, when he was able to state his end-of-life wishes. Dad declared his preference to allow his natural, inevitable death to occur if he could no longer tolerate or take food and liquids. He asked for no unusual life-sustaining measures, only pain medications if needed for comfort. It was a relief to have that document. In fact, my sister, brother, and I re-read it during the final week of Dad's life to be sure that we were in agreement that Dad's wishes were being honored. But still, that document had to be transcribed into the POLST that healthcare professionals use in their practice. As Dad's designated healthcare agent, it was gut-wrenching to fill out that form and mark the spaces that read "Allow Natural Death - Do Not Attempt Resuscitation" "Comfort Measures Only" "No artificial nutrition by tube" "No IV fluids", and then sign my name to it because Dad couldn't speak for himself anymore. It hurts to do that, to fight away the feelings that we were giving up, giving in, or not doing everything we could to help him. But that's what he wanted, and it was important enough for him to write it down so that we would know and not doubt his intent.

It doesn't make the feelings go away. It doesn't mean that it's easy to do what our loved one has asked us to do, but there is peace of mind down the road in having pursued the best interests and clear wishes of the person we love. So if you haven't completed a healthcare directive with your end-of-life wishes clearly outlined, please do so immediately, because one day your loved one, husband, wife, child, grandchild, or other caregiver will thank you for the long-lasting peace of mind that you gave to them. It is a gift, and I thank Dad for it!