I have been listening to your feedback on the God stories I have been writing about my years with Dad. I appreciate all of you taking the time to read and reflect along with me. The effort and investment to post the articles on the website seems to be edifying some people, and as the Lord enables me, I will continue to do so. I am hearing more and more from those who have already shouldered the caregiver's burden and are struggling to deal with what happened, the decisions that were made, the relationships that were built, re-established, or fractured, and the grief that there are no "do-overs." Caregiver's guilt is a heavy burden. Some of it may have merit to probe our consciences. Some of it is internally contrived, yet almost every caregiver wages a battle with guilt that no matter how much or how little you do, no matter what changes you make in your own life to bear the burdens of another, no matter what decisions you made, it was not enough; it was wrong; it was selfish, etc etc etc. The feelings are harsh and punishing.
We have heard about the phenomenon of survivor's guilt as the result of an accident or mass casualty event, but I never heard anything about caregiver's guilt until I became one. It will likely gnaw at most of us to some degree. I intend to write more about caregiver's guilt, and pray the Lord gives me the wisdom to do so. There is a definite audience to be comforted, but because of the seriousness and pain of the subject, I want to be absolutely sure I am speaking from the Lord's heart and mind rather than merely post my random thoughts.
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